


Timing

by Cloechecksmyflow, phanburnhamizzard



Category: Phan, Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF), dan and phil
Genre: Angst, Depression, Domestic, Fluff, Homophobia, Humor, M/M, Romance, Smut, phandombigbang, phandombigbang2017
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-28
Updated: 2017-10-28
Packaged: 2019-01-25 11:48:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12530644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cloechecksmyflow/pseuds/Cloechecksmyflow, https://archiveofourown.org/users/phanburnhamizzard/pseuds/phanburnhamizzard
Summary: After moving house, Dan and Phil individually decide that the timing is right for another kind of move:   one that will unite them and change the course of their relationship forever.    Phil's family is thrilled and supportive, but Dan's family, as has been typical his whole life, just doesn't understand.  False starts and dramatic turns follow as the two men navigate their lives together and try to become one.





	Timing

“Gooooood bye!” Phil exclaimed as he covered the camera and searched frantically for the ‘end show’ button. Dan silently chuckled as Phil panicked, then reached over and hit the right key to end the show. They both remained quiet until the screen went black, then burst into laughter. 

“Well, they seemed to take it well,” Dan began, “I mean, no one was freaking out or anything.”

“Get a dog. Get a dog. Get a dog,” Phil chanted, giggling. “It seems like they moved on fairly quickly! And I liked your analogy about the “Friends” apartment. I think that helped.”

“Yeah, I hope so. I worry about them, sometimes. I guess we’ll see when the fanfiction about the new place comes out, but I think they’ll be alright”

“I wish my back was going to be alright,” Phil complained, as he stood up from the sofa and stretched, “I can’t believe how many more boxes we have to unpack!”

“Yeah,” Dan replied, “at least they aren’t heavy. It’s just the repetition of bending and straightening over and over. I’m too tall for this!” Dan whined.

“Oh, poor Danny,” Phil joked, “a whole inch taller! So much further to bend down!”

Dan reached up and began lightly punching Phil in his side. 

“Stop!” Phil exclaimed in surprise, his smile betraying his fake outrage, “You’re going to break a rib!”

“If you’d stand up straighter, Mr. ‘Osteoporosis 2017’, you’d have some density to your bones and wouldn’t have to worry about it.”

“Leave my unique posture out of this!” Phil joked. 

Dan stopped punching Phil and stood up. “So, what should we do for supper?” he said with a tired sigh. 

“I was thinking order some pizza so we can unpack while we eat,” Phil suggested.

“Ugh,” Dan replied with a frown. “Phil, I can’t move any more boxes tonight. Let’s eat something good and just relax. Everything will still be here tomorrow and we’ve gotten enough sorted that we can at least sleep in a bed tonight.” 

“Oh, twist my arm,” Phil laughed. “Alright, let’s just eat pizza and watch something on TV.”

“That’s totally not what I was saying, Phil,” Dan said. “I’m going to go get something nice for us to eat. You make the place presentable and we’ll have a proper supper and then relax in a warm bath, yeah?”

“Oh, that does sound good,” Phil said. “Alright. I can stack some boxes up and make a table since I’m not sure where ours is right now.”

“Good. I’ll be back in a bit.” 

Dan was out the front door and down to the sidewalk in a flash. He pulled out his phone and asked Siri where the nearest restaurants were. As the results came back, he smiled. Yes, perfect! 

Back in the townhouse, Phil was looking around the apartment for the dining table. It took him nearly ten minutes of sweaty searching to remember they didn’t have one yet. The old one belonged to their landlord and it was back at their old apartment. He was going to miss that table. Stained with frosting and dye, its cracks filled with glitter that they could never get out. It was literally full of memories. 

So now, he thought, how do I build a table? He looked and found some boxes that were still full and pushed four of them together in a straight line on the floor. Then he found the gaming channel’s winner board and turned it upside down and placed it on the boxes. It barely covered two of them. This would not work. 

Dan, in the meantime, was having troubles of his own. The first restaurant had a forty-five minute wait. The second did not offer take out. The third, which offered take out, was ten miles away. Frustrated, he pictured Phil waiting and ready at home while he hadn’t even begun to acquire the meal. He hailed a cab and politely asked the driver to hurry.

Phil, exhausted from the move, back hurting, and legs sore, was re-arranging boxes in a tower in front of their dining chairs. They would have no room for their legs, but at least there would be something to rest the plates on. He decorated the table with his pink plushie for the centerpiece and the purple oven mitts standing on end at either end of the table. After thirty minutes of work, sweating and feeling a bit emotional at the lack of perfect results, he plopped down in the orange chair, put his head down on the boxes, and allowed his eyes to close. 

When Dan rushed in an hour later, he stopped abruptly in the front entranceway as he took in the scene before him. Phil was asleep on the floor by a stack of boxes with his legs somehow propped up in the orange chair and his head resting comfortably on the plushy snake on the floor. 

Dan tilted his head, trying to figure out how on earth this could have happened, then shrugged. Poor Phil, so tired. And when he woke up, his back would likely not be much better that it was when he fell asleep, what with the strange position he was in.

Dan got an idea. Placing the food down gently on the couch, he went upstairs to the master bathroom and ran a warm bath, filling it with bubbles. He lit candles and placed them all around the tub, then turned off the lights. He set his iPhone on his “Mellow” playlist, and set the volume to low. 

Then he went downstairs and sat on the floor next to Phil.

He reached over and stroked his hair for a bit, gazing intently at his face. After a few minutes, Phil slowly began to open his eyes. 

“Hey, Philly,” Dan said, softly.

“Hmm?” Phil replied, groggily. 

“How’s your back, mate?”

Phil began to move and then let out a soft, “Ow.”

“That’s what I thought. You’re in quite the position here.”

Phil groaned as he started to come to full awareness. 

“It’s alright. I got the bath running. Come on, you lanky goof,” Dan said as he lifted Phil’s legs off the chair and softly lowered them down to the floor. “Let’s get you upstairs.”

Phil let Dan help him up and support him a bit as they walked up the stairs together. As they entered the bathroom, Phil gasped. “Dan! What..? How did you do this? Where did you find the candles?”

“I bought them while I was out. Now don’t got falling asleep in there. I don’t want our dinner to get warm.”

“Warm?”

“Yes, warm, now hurry up and relax!” Dan joked as he closed the door behind Phil.

Phil got undressed and sank into the bath. It was delightful. His muscles relaxed and the pain eased away. He wanted to linger, but he didn’t want to keep Dan waiting, so after rinsing off, he wrapped himself up in three towels and jogged downstairs to find some clean clothes.

Dan was there waiting, and Phil let out a gasp at the scene before him.

On the chairs, he had delicately balanced their gaming channel board and atop it, sat 5 sushi rolls, 1 set of chopsticks, a cup of soy sauce, and a dollop of wasabi. On the floor, the cushions from the couch were placed in a line that stretched about 7 feet, and next to them, in the middle, sat one pillow. Only one lamp was on and the sun had set long ago, so the room was warmly if barely lit. Phil stood on the bottom step taking it all in, then looked over at Dan. 

Dan stood in front of the lamp so all Phil could see was his silhouette. He wished he had his camera with him as he loved taking pictures of Dan in profile. He was, truthfully, a beautiful man. 

“Wow! This is just...wow!” Phil exclaimed, “Dan, how did you make this look so nice?! This is just amazing! Let me just find my clothes and-”

“Stop,” Dan said softly. 

And silence fell between them.

Phil shivered slightly and not just from the beads of cold water running down his back.

Dan held out his hand and Phil took a sharp intake of breath. 

“Come here.” 

Phil descended the last step and walked slowly towards Dan, clutching his towels with one hand and reaching for Dan’s hand with the other. When their hands met, their fingers entangling in a familiar grasp full of warmth and strength, Dan reached out for Phil’s other hand. 

Phil paused, then slowly released the towels and reached for Dan’s other hand. 

They stood, gazing into each other’s eyes, hands enmeshed, as Phil’s towels began to slowly succumb to gravity. First, his shoulders peaked out into the chilly air. Then his chest became visible as the towel around his waist began to loosen. His buttocks, beaded with water, were next in sight, and then, as the weight of the towels built and the speed increased, his upper legs, then lower legs were revealed in quick succession. 

And that is how Phil found himself standing naked and shivering in front of Dan Howell. 

No words were needed, so none were said. The droplets of water slowly cascaded down Phil’s pale skin, shimmering in the lamplight. Dan grinned, but did not break his gaze with Phil’s eyes.The beads of water caressed Phil’s skin as they slowly, mindlessly, travelled down his naked body. His every nerve ending was afire from his head down to his toes. His breath was quick and jagged compared to Dan’s slow and steady respirations. 

Phil felt a shiver pass through is body. Dan saw it and smiled. 

And so, it was not a surprise to either of them when, moments later when Dan leaned in to gently kiss Phil’s slightly parted lips, he could not stand as close to his lover as he wished. 

Dan held the kiss, drinking in the salt from Phil’s mouth. 

When he broke the kiss, Phil leaned forward to connect them once again, but Dan was already on his way down to the floor to pick up the towels. He released Phil’s hands as he grabbed the towels from the floor, and Phil felt his full nakedness all at once. He reflexively covered himself, and a blush of embarrassment flushed over his cheeks and his chest. 

Dan did not notice. He was drying Phil’s feet with the soft, plush towel. Then he moved up and rubbed his shins and his calves until they were dry as well. Slowly, carefully, he moved up to his thighs and hamstrings and wiped the droplets of water away. He reached around and found Phil’s buttocks and low back, and massaged gently until they were dry. Then he reached back around Phil’s stomach and wiped it dry as well. 

Phil still had his hands covering himself, so Dan wiped them dry and worked up to his forearms, then his elbows, then his upper arms and shoulders. He stood back up and dried Phil’s chest and upper back, then turned the towel to a dry spot and carefully dabbed up the water from Phil’s face. 

He let the towel fall down to the floor again and took Phil’s face into his hands. Softly but with a firmness that sent streaks of lightning through Phil’s body, Dan kissed his mouth again. Phil felt Dan’s fingers on his jaw, on his ears, in his hair. He let go of himself and wrapped his arms around Dan’s shoulders, pulling him closer. Phil’s breathing, when he could gasp for a breath, was becoming more ragged and hungry. He wanted...he wanted so much. He wanted more.

Dan suddenly pulled away, breaking the kiss and the embrace.

“I’m hungry! Aren’t you hungry?” he asked in a voice that betrayed nothing of what they were both currently feeling.

“I--I, um, yes?” Phil responded, trying to sound coherent. 

“I’ve got sushi!” Dan exclaimed. “But they only gave me one set of chopsticks, so we’ll have to take turns. I’ll go first. Lie down.”

Phil stood a moment, confused. 

“Phil. Lie down on the cushions on the floor, face down.”

Fortunately for Phil’s erection, there was a sofa crease strategically positioned for his comfort as he lay prone, so he was able to assume the position with relative ease. He folded his arms under his head and turned his face towards Dan, still not exactly sure what was going to happen next.

Without a word, Dan sat on the pillow next to Phil and reached over him and grabbed the soy sauce. Slowly, carefully, he poured a bit of the sauce on Phil’s back, just in the dip where his spine lay. Then, Dan placed pinch of wasabi above that and finally, he took a piece of sushi roll and unrolled it, placing it atop the soy sauce and the wasabi. 

“You look delicious,” Dan said, hungrily.

Phil felt like he was floating. This was really happening. His fantasy, the one he joked about so openly because he never believed anyone would really do it, was happening. 

Dan crawled down towards Phil’s feet, then turned and straddled his legs. He leaned down and began to lick the soy sauce, slowly, carefully, from Phil’s lower back. 

Phil felt the desire on Dan’s tongue and his body shook.

Dan worked his way up to the wasabi and took it into his mouth, holding it along with the soy sauce and then moved up towards Phil’s shoulder blades, where the roll awaited him. 

Phil felt Dan’s lips and tongue and an occasional light scrape of teeth along his upper back as Dan ate the sushi from his tender skin. He could smell the saltiness of the soy sauce. He could hear Dan chewing and swallowing. He could see Dan’s arm muscles as they slightly trembled under his weight as he held himself up above Phil’s back. 

“MMmm,” Dan moaned. 

“Oh God,” Phil whispered quietly. “Oh God” 

Dan took his time with the sushi, chewing it slowly and swallowing every bit, coming down from time to time to lick more soy sauce from Phil’s back. Finally, mouthful completely swallowed, Dan crawled off of Phil and sat back down on the pillow next to him. Phil’s back was immediately cold, what with the wetness on his back suddenly hitting the air conditioning combined with the sudden absence of Dan’s body heat.

“Okay,” Dan said, ‘your turn.”

Phil started to get up, but Dan gently pushed him back down. “No,” he said, ‘I’ll fix it for you.” 

Dan poured a few drops of soy sauce in the palm of his hand. Then he placed the wasabi on his wrist. Finally, he put the sushi roll on his forearm and then held his arm out to Phil.

Phil was in heaven. He opened his mouth and gently, nervously, lapped some soy sauce from Dan’s palm. Then, moving up, he tongued at the wasabi until he was able to get it into his mouth. As Dan leaned in to get his arm closer, he licked and gently nibbled at the sushi roll until it was finally all in his mouth. The taste and the smell of the roll combined with the sweet and salty taste of Dan’s skin was better than he had ever imagined. He savored it, and went back for more, sucking Dan’s fingers as the sauce dripped down towards his mouth. 

“You like that?”

“Yes,” Phil whispered. 

“Roll over.”

Phil rolled over and lay on his back. Dan placed one sushi roll on each nipple. Then he dripped soy sauce into his navel. Finally, he placed a small bit of wasabi on Phil’s chin. 

Locking eyes with Phil, he tongued his tummy and belly button and then moved up to the sushi roll on Phil’s left nipple, greedily licking it off of his body until his nipple was fully erect from the stimulation. He moved up and gently bit Phil’s chin as he grabbed the wasabi, and then he ate, never breaking eye contact. 

Phil’s body was pulsing. He was dizzy. The edges of his vision were blurry. Every sensory input was in overdrive. 

“How are you going to get your piece?” Dan said, coyly. 

Phil reached down to grab it from his chest, but Dan firmly held his arm as he explained, “No hands.”

Phil giggled. He leaned his head down but could not quite reach the sushi. He stuck out his tongue and found he could just barely touch the roll, but could not manipulate it towards his mouth.

Dan smirked. “So, you need some help, eh, mate?”

“Yes,” Phil said, voice shaky with excitement. 

Dan leaned over and pushed the sushi towards Phil’s tongue with his own. He lifted it a bit with his tongue and placed it so that Phil could work his own around it and maneuver it towards his mouth. Phil chewed it slowly and swallowed it, licking his lips. 

“You know, at this rate, we’ll starve to death before we finish these,” Dan joked. 

“I don’t care,” Phil replied, a grin plastered on his face.

“Well, it’s my turn again but this time, I’m thirsty. I wonder, can you help me with that?”

Phil felt like he was going to explode. His breath quickened, his body tensed, and his voice barely registered as he said, “...yes.”

Before he knew what was happening, Dan’s mouth was on him. He arched his back as Dan began to work up and down his length. He heard a moan deep in his throat that lasted for what seemed to be minutes. He reached down and held Dan’s head between his hands, feeling the warmth of his body and guiding him. The pleasure reached a climax and Phil moaned loudly, tossing his head side to side in ecstasy. Dan swallowed every drop, greedly, sensually, hungrily. 

As he recovered, he felt Dan’s lips all over his stomach, his chest, his face, his head. Small kisses that drove him crazy for more. 

“How did it feel?” Dan as he sat cradling Phil’s head in his lap. “Was it what you thought it would be like?”

“More,” Phil replied. “It was like everything...it was just like all of me! It was like every sense was cumming at the same time. I can’t explain it. It was like I was being desired and devoured in more ways than I’ve ever been, all at the same time. Oh my God.”

Dan smiled. “Good!”

“Thank you. But you didn’t cum yet. What shall we do for you?”

“Hmm,” Dan pondered. “Well, aren’t you thirsty?”

Phil giggled, “As a matter of fact, I kind of am. Soy sauce is very salty…”

Phil turned his head slightly to the right and Dan took himself out of his pants. It was an awkward position for Phil, but both of them knew it would not take much. Seeing Phil climax always got Dan very hard, so he was already close. He took Dan into his mouth and gently tongued his tip. He felt Dan’s thighs tighten beneath his head. 

“Mmmm” Phil moaned, so that Dan could feel his voice.

Dan leaned his head back and rested it on the couch. He thought about Phil writhing on the floor, his mouth open, his hands slamming down on the carpet as he moaned and thrust upward and….

Dan’s entire body went stiff and a low, baking-video quality moan resonated from his throat. Phil felt his member twitch and then engorge, and then shoot down his throat, pulsating in time with Dan’s pleasure. 

“Well,” Phil began as he reached up and stroked Dan’s hair, “that was a strong one!”

“Yeah…” Dan tried to say, semi-successfully. Dan had a hard time coming back to reality sometimes after a particularly strong climax. And this had been one of the top ones he had experienced in his memory. 

“I’m definitely not thirsty anymore” Phil said, jokingly. 

Dan laughed. 

“But, I am still pretty hungry…..”

“Shall we order a pizza?” Dan asked. “I’m starving as well.”

“Yes, definitely,” Phil responded, “But I can’t move from this spot so you’ll have to get the door.”

Dan laughed. “You’re going to have to at least sit up to eat there, mate.”

“No” Phil giggled. “You feed me again. I quite liked that!”

Dan laughed as he grabbed his phone and ordered pizza for the two of them. Phil, deciding that he didn’t want the pizza guy to somehow glimpse him naked on the floor, went upstairs and grabbed a robe. 

And then he saw a small item on his bedside table. He stopped and stared at it as he had done many times before over the past several months. He bit his bottom lip and thought for several moments as he stared. Then, slowly and purposefully, he picked it up and placed it in the pocket of his robe. 

He heard the doorbell ring and took his time donning the robe, making sure he heard the door close and lock before he descended the stairs. 

Dan had set the pizza box on the makeshift table and was laying out the slices on some napkins. Phil sat down on the floor and grabbed a slice of plain cheese and devoured it in three bites.

They ate in the silence of two people who are totally comfortable with one another. 

Ten minutes later, the pizza was gone and the young men were lazily tidying up. 

“I’m going to need another shower” Phil said sleepily. 

“Me too” Dan replied. 

“Rock, paper, scissors?” Phil said, out of habit.

“Mate, we have two now, you know!”

“Oh, yeah” Phil laughed. 

They both trudged upstairs and took long, relaxing showers. Phil put his robe back on and felt the item in the pocket. The time had not been right. It just never seemed to be. Maybe tomorrow, he thought. 

He walked into their room and found Dan already out of the master shower, in his pyjamas and looking suspicious and nervous as he sat on the edge of the bed. Patting the mattress beside him, he beckoned Phil to sit down.

Phil sat and Dan immediately stood up, then turned to face Phil, his little red splotch on the right side of his face betraying the nervousness behind his calm demeanor. 

“Phil,” Dan began, “I’ve gotten you something. It isn’t much. It isn’t anything compared to what you mean to me, I know. But, I know that we’ve both been waiting a long time to do this, and the timing has never been right…”

Phil’s eyes went wide. Was this happening? But no, this wasn’t how it was supposed to go…

“...I know how much you’ve sacrificed for me, Phil. What with the travel sickness and the stage fright on the tour. You lost so much weight and got so ill, but you were so strong. So strong. I admire that about you so much. And all the times you’ve helped me when I literally could not get up off of the floor. And this whole moving stress. Well, I just, I mean, …”

Phil strained to listen to the sweet words that the blushing young man before him was saying. He wanted to remember this moment forever, even if it wasn’t what he had imagined. He was happy, yet disappointed that it wasn’t how he had imagined. He was proud of Dan, and yet, sad that he would never have the chance to say what he had rehearsed so many times.

“...anyway, Phil,” Dan said as he got down on one knee in front of him, “I have something for you.”

Phil blinked and took a snapshot of Dan’s soft face to hold in his heart forever.

Dan reached under the bed and pulled out a box about 6 inches high and 4 inches wide. 

“Here, Phil. This is for you. I love you.” Dan said. 

Phil hesitated, then reached out and took the box. It was heavy. And strangely, it seemed to sloosh. Phil was frozen in time. It wasn’t...but why was Dan on one knee and...what was happening?!

“Go on!” Dan encouraged, “Open it!”

“Thanks! Okay,” Phil heard himself say as he carefully set the box on the mattress beside him and opened the top flaps. There, staring up at him, was a beautiful green blue and yellow beta fish.

“Her name is Fiona!” Dan exclaimed with a bright smile. “I know it isn’t much, and we’ll have to hide her from the landlord, but she reminded me of your eyes and… do you like it?”

Phil sat slack jawed and then began to giggle. “Oh my gosh! She is beautiful! And ‘Fiona’? Dan, really? Haha!” 

Phil lifted the beta tank out of the box and set it on their bedside table. Fiona swam around and then came back to the front of the tank and seemed to stare at them again. 

Phil leaned forward and took Dan in his arms. “I love her, I really do. Thank you, Dan.” He pulled back a bit and then kissed Dan softly on the lips. 

“Mmm. I’m so glad. It was hard keeping her hidden from you all day. And then, with the sushi, I thought for sure you’d guess.”

“No, I can honestly say I had no idea!” Phil said. 

Phil helped Dan up off of the floor and they climbed into Dan’s moon shaped bed. Cuddled together, they whispered about their day until finally, Dan stopped responding and Phil kissed him lightly on the forehead and whispered “Good night”. 

The next morning, they awoke in a tangle of arms and legs. 

“Good morning, Fiona!” Phil said cheerily.

“I’m now playing second fiddle to a fish?” Dan joked.

They both laughed. Phil went into his wardrobe/filming room to grab some clothes while Dan dressed in their room. As he slipped off his robe, the small package fell onto the floor. He looked over his shoulder, then squatted down and picked it up and quickly placed it in his bedside table drawer. The time was soon, but it just wasn’t right. Not yet. 

\-----------

Later that week, the house in presentable condition, Mr. and Mrs. Lester came knocking at the front door. Dan and Phil greeted them with a smile and accepted the bottle of wine and the brilliantly colored flowers proffered as house warming gifts. 

Dan took the liberty of taking them on a tour while Phil arranged the flowers in a clear glass vase. As he set the vase on the newly assembled dining room table, he heard Dan from upstairs saying, “And here is ou-my bedroom…”

Phil’s face flushed red in embarrassment on Dan’s behalf. His parents knew about their relationship, of course, and had for quite some time. Dan had never told his parents. Dan had assumed that they would not approve. The masquerade had been difficult to maintain and had taken a toll on both of the young men emotionally. Slip ups happened and had to be meticulously covered up, so they had both taken to always pretending they were not together, just so mistakes were less likely to happen in front of Dan’s parents.  
Phil took the pot roast out of the oven and was placing it on the table as his parents and Dan walked his parents back down the stairs. 

“Just in time!” Phil exclaimed, gesturing widely with his arms at the fashionably decorated dining table. 

“I see you kept the colorful chairs,” Phil’s mum said with amusement. 

“We’re getting better chairs,” Dan interjected quickly, “it is just that they haven’t been delivered yet.”

“They are lovely, dear,” Mrs. Lester said as she patted Dan’s back.

“Yes, I think they really pop against the dark grain of this table,” Mr. Lester added. 

“Thanks,” Dan said, a bit relieved.

Just then, the doorbell rang and Dan visibly startled. 

“Who could that be?” Dan said, slightly irritated.

“Probably your mum and dad,” Phil answered with a smile as he jogged to the door. 

Dan jogged down the corridor and caught Phil by the shoulder, stopping him abruptly. 

“Why would it be my parents? I told you they weren’t coming.”

“I called them and they said they would love to come,” Phil said. 

“Why did you call them?” Dan asked, trying to maintain his composure. 

“Because I knew you never invited them,” Phil replied calmly. “I wanted them here tonight.”

“Why?” Dan asked as the doorbell rang again. “It just makes things so much harder.”

“Because they are your family and I love them,” Phil said, placing a guiding hand on Dan’s back as they both made their way towards the door. “Everything will be fine, I promise.”

“Hello boys!” Dan’s mum said as she entered the duplex and embraced Dan, and then Phil.

“Hello kiddos” Dan’s dad said, clapping each boy on the back. “What’s for supper? It smells great in here!”  
“Pot roast,” Phil answered, “and it is just now ready, so why don’t we sit down to eat and we’ll give you the big tour after.”

“Sounds great!” Dan’s dad said, and they all made their way to the dining room.

After warm greetings between the families were exchanged, everyone dove into the kale salad Dan had prepared and the conversation turned to excitedly proposed ideas for home decorating and future purchases. 

After dessert and wine, Phil took Dan’s parents on the house tour and Dan escorted the Lesters to the living room for coffee. 

“I’m glad to have you alone for a moment,” Dan began, “Because there is something I was wanting to talk to you about.”

“What is it, dear?” Mrs. Lester asked.

“Well, Phil is my best friend. He’s a lovely person and he just means a lot to me. I’ve made a decision and I wanted to just tell you--or rather ask you if-- well, I mean, I wanted to talk to you about it. Together. All of us.”

Dan’s face flushed a pale pink as he heard the words come out in a jumbled mess and not at all as he had rehearsed them.

“You see, it’s just that I want to ask you if it would be alright with you if I were to ask Phil if it would be okay with him if maybe he wanted to --sometime in the future-- not right now-- but if maybe,” Dan took a deep breath and exhaled the words “if he would marry me.” 

The Lesters looked at each other and grinned. “Daniel,” Mr. Lester said formally, “we would love to have you as a part of our family and Phil would be lucky to have you as his husband.”

Mrs. Lester leaned forward and embraced Dan, then sat back and added, “This is just wonderful, Dan, absolutely wonderful.”

Dan gave a sigh of relief and smiled. “I thought maybe I’d pass out there for a second,” he giggled. 

“I thought so, too!” Mrs. Lester said with a big smile!

“And there you have it!” Phil said as he lead the Howells down the steps. “The House of No Gas Leaks and No Drills!”

“It’s simply lovely,” Mrs. Howell enthused, “I really like it, Phil!” 

 

“Son, it looks great,” Mr. Howell said to Dan. “Glad to see you got rid of that horrid bed cover!”

“Thanks, Dad,” Dan said, his head still spinning. 

“Let’s play Camel Up!” Phil suggested as he got the game down from the shelf and started setting it up before anyone could object. 

Two hours later, as they were all saying their goodbyes, Mrs. Lester found Dan’s ear and whispered, “When?”

“Soon,” he whispered back with a wink. 

As soon, as I tell my parents I’m not the son they think I am. he thought.

As they cleaned up the dishes, Phil said, “I told you it would be alright, Dan.”

“I know,” Dan answered, “It’s just always a risk and the timing has to be right.”

“You know I’ll go with you if you want. I can be your moral support.”

“I know you would. But this is something I need to do on my own,” Dan replied as he placed the last dish back into the cabinet. 

“It’s all about the timing,” Dan repeated. “Everything has to be just right.”

\-------------------

 

Two weeks later, Dan arrived at his parent’s house. Exhausted from VidCon, he had hated to get back on any mean of public transport again, but it was family visit time, and he never missed it. He was eager to see his brother, and to play with the family dog, Collin, again. And this time, he thought, he was going to talk to his parents. This time he would find the courage to say what he’d wanted to say since he was fourteen years old. He said that every time, of course, but this time he was sure he’d be able to do it.

He picked the second evening after dinner to call his parents into the guestroom and close the door. The practice conversation with Collin had gone well, and the real conversation with his brother had been a non-event. 

“Duh, dude,” had been his response. 

The telephone call to his Nan, his closest family member, had been difficult to start, but had turned out just perfectly. “Danny, I love you no matter what,” she had said, “and I think you and Phil are just adorable together”. 

His courage thus heightened, he had summoned his parents to his temporary room, sat them down on the bed and stood in front of them.

“Mom, Dad,” he began, “I’m pregnant.”

Humor had always been the way he had communicated with his parents. Their relationship had been tricky and difficult during his teen years, and when things were going well, they relied on laughter to bring them together. 

“Oh Daniel,” his mother said, laughing as she rolled her eyes. 

“I’m joking, I’m joking of course,” Dan said. He took a deep breath, “You know that Phil is my best friend. And he has been since we first met.”

His parents nodded.

“Well, I wanted to tell you that Phil--Phil is my very best friend. And I’ve decided that I want him to be my very best friend forever.”

Dan’s mother looked at his father questioningly, then looked back at Dan. The room roared with silence.

Shit, shit, shit, Dan thought to himself, Either they don’t get it or they’re angry. 

“Mom, Dad, I love Phil. I mean, I’m in love with him.”

Silence.

“I’m a bi-sexual man and I am in love with Phil. And,” he heard the words come tumbling out, “I want to marry him and be his husband and for him to be my husband and for us to always be together because our relationship is really special to me and --”

Dan’s father stood up, wordlessly walked out of the room, and slammed the door behind him.

“Don’t mind your father. I think it’s perfectly normal to be confused when you have strong feelings. You aren’t ‘in love’ with Phil, but I’m sure you ‘love’ him, just like anyone would love their best friend. You two spend a lot of time together, and I think that maybe it would be good to get more friends. Don’t you agree, Danny? Maybe some girls as well? Then you’ll realize that while Phil is your best friend, and honey I think he’s just a great person, nothing against him, but I think you’ll realize that you were just a little mixed-up. That’s all. Now don’t cry. Don’t be embarrassed. I’m your mother and I always understand. I’ll explain it all to your father. Everything will be fine. Now why are you still crying? Here, sit down and--Dan, get up off the floor, you’ll wear the knees out of your jeans and--Dan? Why are you lying on the floor? Well if you’re going to be melodramatic about all this there is no point in my continuing to talk to you. I’ll be downstairs when you decide to act like an adult again.”

But Dan couldn’t get off the floor. He had dropped to his knees then curled in the fetal position and began to sob as his mother gently shut the door behind her. His life was over. His parents would never understand. One was mad and one was crazy and neither one would ever understand. It was just like it was growing up. Everything he wanted and everything he tried to express was belittled and dismissed. And now, a part of him was being denied. They had ripped out part of his identity in two minutes flat. He felt such great pain that he thought he might die. Then he just felt numb. He couldn’t cry anymore. He couldn’t move. He just lay there. 

The shadows in the room slowly crawled along the floor as the yellow of the mid-day sun turned to a brilliant orange and then a pale pink on the white wall. Then it was dark. And Dan still lay there. His heart, his body, and his mind all numb with pain. 

After supper, his brother came in but Dan couldn’t find the energy to talk, so he just sat down next to him and held his hand. “It’s okay, bro,” he said. “It’s okay, man.” And he sat with him for an hour before covering him with a comforter and gently closing the door behind him.

\----------------

“You’ve reached Dan. Please leave a message.” 

“Dan, it’s the hundredth time I’ve called you and you didn’t answer your Skype last night. Are you dead? Because if you are, I’m taking all your black clothes so you have to be buried in my emoji pyjamas. CALL ME!”

As soon as Phil hung up, he got a call from a number he didn’t recognize. He let it go to voicemail, then listened back. His face drained of color and he ran up to his room to pack a bag.

As he packed, he listened to the message on speaker because a small part of him was hoping against hope that he wasn’t understanding. That what he had heard was a mistake. That what was happening was not real.

“Phil? Hi. Um, my brother isn’t okay, man. He told me about you guys and that’s cool and all, but then he told our parents and then he just froze up. I don’t know what they said to him but he’s all contorted on the floor and he doesn’t talk or do anything but cry and sleep. Mum says he just wants attention as usual and dad won’t say anything, but I think something is really wrong with him. He used to do this when he was a kid after, well, after stuff happened, but this is different. I used to be able to get him to talk again, but -- Nah, this time, something is deep wrong. Can you get up here?” 

Shit. Phil thought. Shit, shit, shit. 

It took all day on the train. Phil found himself at the Howell’s front doorstep at 10 o’clock at night, knocking lightly on the door so as not to wake the entire household. Dan’s mother opened the door and looked at him oddly. 

“Phil? What are you doing here, dear?” 

“I’m here to see Dan,” he said.

“Why?”

“I just--I just need to see him, please,” he said, “Can I come in?”

“Well, he’s just lying around being dramatic, if I can be honest with you. There’s no point in your going in. I’m sure he’ll snap out of it soon when he realize we won’t play his little game, and then I’ll have him call you.”

She began to shut the door and Phil stuck his foot in the door jam, blocking it. 

“Mrs. Howell, I’ve just spent hours on a train. I know Dan and I know he’s not okay. He’s not being dramatic, he’s hurting and I need to talk to him.”

“Well,” Mrs. Howell said incredulously, “I think I know my son better than you do, and the worst thing to do when he gets like this is to feed into it.”

Phil felt his blood pressure soar and his muscles clench. “My boyfriend is hurting and you will let me in. Now.”

Dan’s mother’s eyes widened with surprise and then anger. She had never seen Phil like this and didn’t like being talked to in this way. 

“Apparently, this little infatuation is a two-way street. Fine. If you want to play “Damsel in Distress” with Dan, you can. Just realize that one day, you’ll look back at this and realize I was right and feel very silly.”

She opened the door and Phil ran past her and up the stairs to the guest room and flung open the door. 

Dan was lying on his side, in the dark. His mouth was open as he could no longer breath through his swollen nose. Tears were streaming down his red cheeks. He did not even startle when Phil opened the door.

Phil set down his suitcase quietly and closed the door behind him. He lay down on the floor behind Dan, reaching his arm under Dan’s head to cradle it and reaching around his chest and clasping his hand in his. He lay his head on the pillow behind Dan’s and began to whisper, “Dan, it’s Phil. You’re alright now. I’m here.”

Dan sniffed, then slowly leaned his head back into Phil’s chest, grasping his hand weakly. 

“There you are,” Phil said softly, “There’s my Dan.”

Minutes passed and the two lay together, feeling each other's’ warmth and finding their breathing synchronizing. 

“Tell me about it?” Phil coaxed, gently.

“Dad stormed out,” Dan said very weakly, “And mum thinks it’s a game.” 

“It’s not a game, Dan. You are valid. Your feelings are valid. They don’t control you anymore.”

“I don’t know who I am, Phil. Why is this happening?”

Phil kissed the top of Dan’s head and whispered, “You are valid. You are a bi-sexual man and you have a lover who loves you back twice--three times as much. Nothing anyone says can change that.”

An hour later, Dan was sitting up and leaning into Phil’s torso as they both supported their backs against the wall. Dan’s tears had dried to his face. His eyes were red and puffy, and he was talking to Phil in a raspy whisper. 

Together, they decided to go downstairs and speak to the Howells one more time. Dan was terrified, but Phil assured him that he would never leave him. 

“In bad times or in good,” Phil said, looking deeply into Dan’s reddened eyes, “I will always be by your side. Know that.”

“I know that,” Dan sniffed, “I’m just so afraid, Phil. So very afraid.” Tears began to trickle down his cheeks again. 

Phil tilted his head and bit his lip. His heart ached for Dan. This suffering had gone on for far too long. He had to stop this, and stop it once and for all.

“Alright, let’s do this,” Phil said, suddenly standing up and holding his hands out to pull Dan up.

“Now? I’m not ready! I can’t. I-” Dan began, but then stopped as he realized Phil had pulled him to his feet.

“Yes, now. Time won’t make it any easier, and it is tearing me apart to see you hurting like this. Your parents love you, Dan. Deep down, they love you. They just don’t understand. They grew up in a different time. That is no excuse, but it’s an explanation for their behavior. They are afraid, Dan, and they are belittling what they are afraid of to keep themselves safe from it. We’ve both seen this before. Think about all the YouTube comments and internet hate messages we’ve gotten. Sure, they are easier to deal with now, but remember how hard they were at first? We can do this, Dan. We’ve done it before. We can do it again. Together. Let’s go.”

“Daniel?” 

The soft voice came from outside the door with a gentle knock. 

“Dad?” Dan answered, not believing what he was hearing.

“May I come in, son?”

Dan quickly wiped his face on his shirt and said, “Uh, yeah, sure dad.”

As the door opened and Dan’s father walked in, Phil wrapped his arm around Dan’s waist. 

There was a brief, awkward silence while no one spoke, and then Mr. Howell but his face in his hands and sighed.

Dan’s jaw dropped open. He had never seen his Dad cry before. This strong, silent man had never showed much emotion while Dan was growing up, and he certainly had never showed any sign of crying.

“Son,” he said through his hands, “I never wanted this life for you. I never wanted you to have this kind of pain.”

Phil tightened his grip on Dan’s waist.

Dan’s dad stood for several moments in silence before lowering his hands from his face. 

“My mom and dad stopped speaking to me when I told them about Rick,” he began. “They went through the motions of taking care of my physical needs, but unless we had to communicate about something, we never really spoke. When I ran away to Rick’s house, no one came to look for me. I never felt so alone in my entire life. Rick’s family took him to a doctor when he told them. They thought it was all an illness back then, you know. The doctor recommended he be sent to a camp. It was a camp to “de-convert” him back to “normal”. My parents found out about it from his mom and the next thing I knew, I was in a locked bus with a bunch of other scared kids going out to the countryside to learn how to be straight again. 

“The camp was…,” he stopped for a moment, lost in memories, “it was terrible. It was six weeks and when we got to go back home, the bus had one less boy on it. Rick couldn’t handle it. He said he couldn’t live without me.”

Mr. Howell sat down on the bed and buried his head in his hands again.

“When you were young, I knew you liked boys, son. I felt so guilty. I knew it had come from me. So I just kept my distance. I didn’t want to influence you without meaning to. I thought that maybe if I left you alone, you would grow up and be straight. I thought without me, you had a better chance to be happy.”

“Dad,” Dan began, “I’m so sorry that happened to you. I’m so sorry about Rick.”

“It was a long time ago,” Mr. Howell said, suddenly feigning a composure he obviously did not have, “but it doesn’t excuse how I acted when you told me what you did. I’m sorry I stormed out, son. I just couldn’t handle it.”

Dan walked to his father and knelt on the floor in front of him. “It’s okay, dad. I understand. I really do.”

“The world is not kind to people like us, Daniel, “ Mr. Howell said frankly. “I know that laws are changing, but deep down, we are still feared and hated by many people. I don’t want that for you. I just don’t. And I don’t want it for you either, Philip.”

Phil slowly stepped forward. “Mr. Howell,” he began softly, “you’re right that there are some people who are still afraid. But I think that right now, Dan needs to hear from the most important people in his life that they aren’t afraid of him.” 

Dan’s eyes locked with his father’s. His father took in a breath and said, “Daniel, son, I am not afraid of you. I’ve loved you since I first saw your picture in the ultrasound. I just want you to be safe and happy. That’s what I’ve always wanted.”

Dan leaned his head into his father’s lap, and his father buried his face in Dan’s hair. 

“I love you, son,” he said.

“I love you, Dad.” 

Phil took a quiet breath in and closed his eyes. One down. 

 

Downstairs, twenty minutes later, Mrs. Howell sat at the kitchen table and listened to her husband. 

“It’s not a phase or an infatuation for him any more than it was for me and Rick. I know how you feel about it and I’m not asking you to change in one day. But I am asking you to tell your son that you respect him and that you love him.”

“I love my son,” she said, stoically as she arose from the table and walked out. 

As they watched her go, Dan looked plaintively at his father.

“It will take her some time, son, to process all of this. She loves you and Phil. She talks about you all the time. She just doesn’t know how to reconcile this news with her beliefs.”

“Thank you for coming out to her right alongside me, dad,” Dan said. “That means a lot to me.”

“I should have told her long ago, really, though I think she probably had her suspicions that I was bi-sexual from early on. We’ll make it through this,” he said, swallowing hard and looking at the empty seat beside him.

“In the meantime,” he said, composing himself, “you need some food, son. Philip, are you hungry as well?” He got up and headed to the refrigerator, “How about some hamburgers, boys?”

“That would be great, Mr. Howell. Thanks,” Phils said as he squeezed Dan’s hand on the table. “That would be really great.” 

 

Later, on the train ride home, Dan leaned into Phil’s torso and Phil wrapped his arm around Dan’s shoulders. They rode along in silence, and eventually, Dan fell asleep, unable to fight his exhaustion a minute more. Phil stayed awake, his left hand fidgeting with the item in his pocket. 

 

Three months later: 

 

“Because I told you to, now keep your eyes closed!”  
“Phil, be careful!” Dan whined, “Don’t lead me into a wall!”  
“I won’t, now just walk forward with me. There you go. Come on.”  
Phil walked backwards, leading Dan forward by one hand while Dan’s other hand covered his eyes.  
Dan suddenly felt grass beneath his feet and felt a cool breeze break through the stifling heat of the air around him.  
“We’re outside?! Phil, I’m in my shorts!”  
“It’s okay, the neighbors are gone for the weekend, remember? Now just a bit further out…”  
Dan hesitantly took a few more steps until he felt Phil stop him.  
“Now just stand there, one second. And no looking!”  
“Okay! Stop shouting, Phil. Jesus, calm down!”  
Phil ran forward and Dan heard him shuffling around in the grass.  
“Phil, it better not be a dog. You know we can’t have…”  
“It’s not a dog!” Phil called back, “Now, just give me a second…” he said as he raced back to Dan. “Okay,” he said, breathless, “put out your hand and take this.”  
Dan reached forward and found a cord with a switch in his hand. He took it gently and furrowed his eyebrows as he felt it, trying to figure out what exactly it was.  
“Alright, now, on three, push the switch and uncover your eyes.”

“Okay,” Dan laughed.  
“One…..two…..two and three quarters…..”  
“Phil!”  
“Three!”  
Dan pushed the switch and opened his eyes to a blinding, blurry scene of white fairy lights strewn between trees and threaded through the branches. Blinking away the brightness, he saw their flat screen TV propped against the biggest tree, with two bean bags in front of it. On either side of the comfortable red and black cushioned bags were low tray tables covered with bowls of popcorn, Doritos, the one to the right had a fresh pizza, steaming up into the lights. In front of the chairs lay their favorite gaming systems sitting on a blanket in the grass.  
“Phil, what–what is this?” Dan asked.  
“Surprise!” Phil said, revealing his biggest smile.  
“Well, I am surprised but, um, I just don’t–,” Dan began slowly, “what is that sound?”  
“Oh, it’s a portable AirCon. I rented it. Feel the coolness rushing over your skin? Isn’t it great?”  
“Yes, actually,” Dan said, his feet sinking into the cool grass. “But, I mean, this is all lovely, but what are you on about? What are we celebrating?”  
“Okay, it’s been a month since we unpacked our last box and we haven’t rested what with VidCon and the “Flight Incident–””  
“Which was your fault!” Dan interjected.  
“It was your fault!” Phil chimed back, and anyway, it doesn’t matter. We haven’t slept because of jet lag and we need a break after our trip and before our next big trip, so I thought we could have a picnic in the garden and play some Crash Bandicoot!”  
“What?! It’s out? Are you joking?”  
“No, go look!” Phil said, pointing at the black beanbag chair.  
Dan walked forward and found the cover to the game in his seat; the television and console already set up to start the game.  
“Phil, this is just amazing!” Dan said as he picked up the game cover and flipped it over to read the back, “How did you ever do all of this without my seeing it? How did you get the TV out here?”  
“For I am magical, DannyFire, and I can move mountains with my mind,” Phil said, posing as a Greek God, “and you’re putting it all back tomorrow when we’re done,” Phil concluded with a deep bow.  
Dan cackled.  
Two hours later, pizza gone, the two young men were playfully bickering as they tried to master Game 1.  
“It won’t work,” Dan whined.  
“It would work if you didn’t suck at this,” Phil retorted.  
Dan kept his eyes on the screen and punched Phil in his right arm with his left hand.  
“Ow!” Phil howled.  
“Take it back.”  
“Stop sucking, then I’ll take it back.”  
“That’s what your mum said last night.”  
Phil hit Dan in the left arm with his right hand.  
Both were smiling.  
Four hours later, the game nearly beaten, both boys were on their stomachs, faces mere inches away from the television, feet resting on the beanbag chairs behind them.  
“Phil.”  
“What?”  
“Thanks.”  
“Yup.”  
And as the sun rose and as the gentle pink and yellow-orange light silently skimmed its way across the sky above them, they finished the game. Phil silently picked up his phone and grabbed a shot of the end screen. Dan tossed the controller aside, rolled to his back and stared up at the gentle hues of the morning sunrise as they flickered through the white linen fabric above him. Phil rolled over and his hand brushed Dan’s on the cool grass.  
The dew had not yet fallen.  
The sun had not yet fully risen.  
All was silent.  
Phil fidgeted with the item in his pocket.  
No, he thought, not yet. 

 

Christmas season was upon them before they knew it. Since they both spent Christmas with their respective families, they had decided to celebrate their own holiday together the weekend before.  
Phil awoke at 10am and took the small box out of his bedside drawer. He opened it and stared into its dark metallic surface. If he held it just so, he could see part of his own face in the reflection. He glanced over his shoulder and watched Dan sleep for a few moments before making his decision. 

Downstairs, he wrapped the box in plain red paper, wrote Dan’s name on it with a black sharpie, and placed it under the tree. Then he went into the kitchen and poured two bowls of cereal.  
Dan awoke to the sound of Phil puttering around downstairs. He rolled over and looked at Phil’s pillow. Just like he did every morning, he pulled it close to his face and breathed in his lover’s scent before getting up and heading downstairs.  
Phil was so nervous, he nearly dropped Dan’s cereal bowl while handing it to him.  
“Why are your hands shaking, Phil?” Dan asked.  
“Oh, you know, Christmas morning jitters!” Phil replied unconvincingly.  
“Uh uh. Are you feeling guilty for stealing my cereal again last night?” Dan asked with a broad smile.  
“I can’t help it. I have a problem!” Phil shot back.  
“Let’s watch some British Bake-off while we eat,” Dan suggested, and the two boys headed into the lounge and turned on the television.  
Half an hour into the show, Phil was sweating so much he had to excuse himself and run upstairs to take a quick shower.  
“Do you have a fever, mate?” Dan called out, “Should we call the Health Line?”  
“No, I’m fine! It’s just stuffy in here!” Phil shouted back. “I’ll be back down in just a sec!”  
While Phil was showering, Dan took the opportunity to dash upstairs and change into his sparkling suit. From its pocket, he pulled out a small ring box. Cracking it open, he glanced at the golden band and felt his heart leap into his throat. He was really going to do this. He was really going to ask his best friend to be his life’s companion. He just hoped he wouldn’t throw up before he could finish his speech. Checking his curly hair in the mirror, he arranged it just so and then stepped back and looked himself over one more time. It was exactly how he had pictured it. It was going to be spectacular. He slipped the ring into his pocket and jogged downstairs.  
Phil turned off the water and climbed out of the shower. Toweling off, he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. His face and chest were splotchy red, which would not do at all. He had to calm down. This had to be perfect. He got back in the shower and ran the ice cold water over his body to get rid of the blotches, then got out and took some deep, calming breaths.  
“Ok,” he said aloud as he slipped into his outfit, “nothing to be nervous about. It’s your friend, Dan. It’s going to be fine. Let’s do this!”

Phil took a deep breath, let it out slowly, then walked calmly down the stairs. 

And that is how Dan Howell and Phil Lester found themselves face to face, both dressed in sparkling suits on Christmas morning.

Phil’s jaw dropped. Dan cocked his head and raised an eyebrow.

“Well, you look very nice, Dan,” Phil said. 

“Yes. You do, too,” Dan stammered.  
“Well, I wanted to dress up for the holiday. Or the pre-holiday. For today. I wanted to be festive!” he said, forcing a smile.

“Yes!” Dan agreed, “Me, too! And dammit, we both look great!”

“That we do!” Phil nodded. 

Awkward silence. 

“So, I, uh, wanted to go ahead and give you your present…” Dan began.

“Oh, uh, okay. Thanks. I mean, thanks in advance. I mean, yes, let’s do that!” Phil blurted out.

“Phil, why are you sweating again? Are you sure you’re quite well?” Dan asked, genuinely concerned.

“Yes, I’m fine. The jacket is hot, that’s all. It’s fine.”

“Why don’t you take it off then?” Dan suggested.

“NO!” Phil yelled. 

Dan’s eyes widened. “Okay! Sorry! I was just making a suggestion.”

“I meant, ‘no, I’d rather leave it on’”, Phil corrected in a softer tone. 

“That’s alright. You look great in the jacket, Phil.”

Phil grinned, “Thanks, Dan.”

“Well,” Dan said after a few moments of silence, “why don’t you go first?”

“Um, okay, yeah. That’s fine. Um, I got you this because I, uh, wanted to make sure that you knew, uh,” he reached down and brushed over the red package and grabbed the silver one instead, “uh--that you knew that I knew that you liked candles,” he declared awkwardly.

“So,” Dan chuckled, “It’s a candle, is it?”

“Yes,” Phil said. “A candle. Merry Christmas. It’s a candle.”

Dan shook his head and laughed quietly. “Shall I open it anyway?”

“No, it’s just a beachwood scented candle. You can open it later. I want you to open this one next,” he said, nervously pointing down at the red package.

“No way, Lester, it’s my turn. Now let me see,” Dan said as he got down on his knee and pretended to fumble through the packages, “I can’t seem to find it. Oh wait, what’s this in my pocket?”

 

Phil’s hands covered the bottom half of his face as Dan pulled the ring box from his pocket, opened it, and held it out for Phil to see. 

“Philip Michael Lester,” Dan began, “from the first moment I--”

And that’s when Phil threw up. 

 

Dan raced to the kitchen for some tea towels and Phil ran up the stairs to the bathroom. By the time Dan met him in the bedroom, Phil was crying.

“Phil, it’s okay, mate. It was just cereal!” Dan joked as he walked in. 

Phil started to laugh, then his laugh turned into a cry again.

“I just, it’s just, I wasn’t ready, I mean I was ready--I’ve been ready--but that’s not how it was supposed to--I was going to--it was supposed to be just right and--Oh I’ve ruined everything!”

“Mate, what are you on about?” Dan asked gently. “I don’t understand what you’re saying.”

Phil just shook his head and buried his face in his pillow. 

Dan’s heart broke, for he could not stand to see Phil hurting. He slipped his arm around his boyfriend’s broad shoulders and pulled him close, holding him tightly until the sobs subsided.

Dan’s heart was also broken for another reason. Phil had not been ready. Plainly, his timing had been off. He’d overwhelmed his sensitive friend and now the moment, when it really did happen, would never be as perfect as he’d imagined it. As he held Phil, he felt his own eyes well up and quickly brushed the tears away with his free hand. 

“Bed ox” Phil said through his pillow.

“What?” Dan asked softly.

“Red box,” Phil said as he lifted his head. His eyes were puffy his face was blotched pink and white. “Go get the red box from under the tree.”

“You want to give me a present right NOW?” Dan asked.

“Please. Go get it,” Phil said plaintively. 

“Okay, it’s alright, mate. I’ll go get it and be right back.”

Dan jogged downstairs, thoroughly confused, disappointed and sad. He searched under the tree and found the small, red package and picked it up. It was surprisingly light and Dan suddenly thought it was probably one of Phil’s classic joke gifts with nothing in it. Phil was probably trying to lighten the awkward atmosphere by being silly. Classic Phil. 

He brought it upstairs and before he walked in, he resolved that the least he could do was pretend to be surprised that the box was empty so that Phil would have a reason to smile. All those acting lessons were finally going to pay off.

Dan sat back down next to Phil and turned on his silliest persona. “Okay, I’ve got it! Hmm, I wonder what it could be? Is it a bowling ball?”

To his surprise, Phil didn’t laugh. With a straight face and a low tone, he simply said, “Open it.”

Dan paused, then tore away the red paper only to find a black velvet jewelry box inside. 

His heart skipped a beat. 

He looked up at Phil.

“Open it, Dan,” Phil said, softly.

Dan opened the box and saw a beautiful wedding band made of dark black metal that shined under the light.  
“Phil,” Dan began, “it’s beautiful. I --”

“I’ve had it for a year. I’ve never been able to find the perfect time to give it to you. To ask you.”

“A year?!” Dan asked, surprised. “Phil, oh my God. Oh my God.”

“Yes. I’ve almost asked you half a dozen times. It just never was the best timing. It just never seemed to be the perfect moment.”

“Phil, I didn’t know. I, oh Phil, you planned for this morning for so long!”

“Yes,” Phil said, “I wanted it to be beautiful for you. And now look. Look at me. Look at where we are. Look at all the things I didn’t say.”

“Look at all the things that I didn’t say,” Dan said with a smile. “You only heard the first half of one sentence of my speech.”

Phil managed a grin. “Oh, my speech. It was going to be so good, Dan. I’ve been saying it out loud in the shower for months.”

Dan wrapped his arm back around his best friend’s shoulders. “I asked your parents about 8 months ago.”

“What?!”

“Yeah. They said ‘Yes’, by the way,” Dan deadpanned.

Phil took a deep breath and sighed.

“It was a really good speech, too,” Dan said.

“Yeah, so was mine,” Phil replied. 

“Really?”

“Yeah. I was pretty proud of it, actually,” Phil said.

They sat in silence for a full minute, and then Dan suddenly slapped his knee and said, “Okay then. On your knee.”

“What?!”

“Get on your knee. Here, take your ring. Good. Now, hold it out to me. Okay, now I’m going to take my ring here,” he fished it out of is pocket and opened the box as he slid down to the floor as well, “and hold it out to you.”

“Daniel James Howell, I…”

“Nope. I get to go first. I already started, remember?” Dan said.

“NO, I can’t wait any longer or I’ll be sick again. Let me go first.”

“No way, Lester.”

“Yes way, Howell.”

And that is how Dan and Phil found themselves down on one knee playing rock, paper, scissors.

“NO!” Phil cried when he lost. “All or nothing!”

“No,” Dan said, shaking his head. “I won fair and square.”

“Dan, please?”

Dan rolled his eyes. “Let’s just take turns. But I get to start.”

“Alright, fine,” Phil replied. 

“Fine,” Dan said. “Now, where was I? Oh yes…. Philip Michael Lester, from the first moment I saw you on YouTube, I knew you were something special.”

“Daniel James Howell, I love you. I’ve loved you since the first time I met you.”

“You are the light to my darkness and the answer to all I crave.”

“ I’ve loved your soft brown eyes, your brilliant mind, and your caring heart.”

“You are the sweetest, most precious man I have ever met in my life”

“I love your ups and your downs; your highs and your lows.”

“I cannot imagine living a day without you in my life. I cannot imagine sleeping a night without you beside me”

“I love having you next to me in my life and I love being next to you in yours.”

“Your gentle soul soothes me; your humor comforts me; your mind fascinates me.”

“I love you. All of you. I want you in my life forever.”

“Phil, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me?”

“Dan, I love you more than I’ve ever loved another person in my life. You are everything to me. Will you marry me?”

Together, they removed the rings from their respective boxes. Dan placed the golden band on Phil’s left ring finger, and Phil placed the dark metallic band on Dan’s right ring finger.

“Yes,” Phil said with a broad smile.

“Yes,” Dan said, beaming. 

 

 

“I like the vanilla icing best,” Dan said.

“But your soul is black, Dan,” Phil joked as he took a large second bite of the vanilla.

“Haha, Lester. I think this is the best. Oh my God, it’s just perfect. And the raspberry icing in between the layers? Forget the wedding, I’ll just be at the reception eating this cake.”

“If you leave me standing at the altar just to eat cake, I will fill your bed with bees” Phil said with a laugh.

The tasting session continued, and in the end, they decided on a salmon plate with vegetables on the side for the meal; vanilla raspberry for the cake, and two chocolate cakes: one with coconut and one with raspberry for the grooms’ cakes. Phil had advocated for two wedding cakes as well, but Dan had refused, saying that would be gaudy.  
“But we have two grooms’ cakes! It would be funny to have two wedding cakes as well. Then we can get the strawberry icing in the second one,” Phil whined.

“Phil, no, okay?” Dan answered, “I don’t need you high on sugar for the entire reception.”

“Oh, alright,” Phil said. “But if there is any cake left over, it’s mine, Howell.”

Dan rolled his eyes and grinned. 

They had picked out their suits individually, not wanting the other to see until the big day. Louise had gone along for both fittings, subtly making sure they would not clash while not revealing any specific details to the other.

In the end, both had gone, with no influence from Louise, with a silver grey waistcoat with a matching tie, a black suit jacket and black trousers. Both of them looked simply dashing, according to Louise. 

The invitations were black with silver writing, and the RSVPs were a metallic silver with black writing, both in a flowing cursive font. 

The venue would be outdoors in the park, under a weeping willow tree. The Lesters and Cornelia had already RSVP’d. Dan’s Nan had as well. He knew his father was working on his mother and that in the end, she’d be there, even if she wasn’t convinced that their love was more than just a phase. 

 

The day before the wedding, Dan and Phil decided to treat themselves to a relaxing spa day. Having completed all necessary preparations and knowing they would be too nervous to do anything productive, they had agreed to allow themselves this day of pampering.

They arrived at the spa at 12:20pm, with Phil breathlessly apologizing as they ran in the door.

“I’m so sorry we’re late, it’s Dan’s fault--that’s Dan there-- because he couldn’t decide on which sneakers to wear and I told him that it didn’t matter because we’d be barefoot most of the time and he said it did matter because of his aesthetic and I told him the car would leave without us, which it did, so we had to get another car and…”

“Hi, I’m Daniel Howell and this is Philip Lester and we’re here for our noon appointment,” Dan interrupted calmly, “and we are sorry for being late.”

“That is just fine, gentlemen. Please, follow me” the kindly older gentleman said as he gave a slight bow. 

Phil looked at Dan in astonishment that they weren’t in trouble, grabbed his backpack from the floor and hurried to follow the sharply dressed man down the hallway. 

“You’ll find your robes in here, gentlemen. Disrobe to your comfort level and then slip them on and I’ll be back for you in a few minutes.” 

Dan waited for the door to close before he elbowed Phil in the side and said, “I told you it would be fine!”

“Yes, but they deserved an explanation! Also, what does he mean ‘comfort level’?”

“He means take off as many clothes as you want up to, including all of them.”

“What?” Phil yelped, “All of them?”

“I’m going for it,” Dan said with confidence as he began to undress. “They cover you with a towel anyway and who cares, right? They’ve seen it all a million times.”

“I’m leaving on my shorts.”

“Come on, Phil! Be daring! Do it!”

“I can’t!” 

Dan gave Phil a look, “Phil. If you want to be totally relaxed you have to give them total access. As nervous as you are, I think you need all the relaxation you can get.”

“Who says I’m nervous?” Phil said, defensively.

“The pink splotches on your face, for one,” Dan answered, gently.

“Oh, alright. I’ll do it,” Phil relented as his face flushed a dark pink. “But only to prove to you that I’m totally fine.”

“Phil, that doesn’t make any sense,” Dan laughed. Phil smiled back at him.

“Ok. I am nervous,” Phil said, quietly.

“It’s okay. I am as well,” Dan said. “But today is our day to calm down, so let’s get naked and get these robes on before Mr. Belvedere comes back and scolds us for taking so long!”

The older gentleman--whose name was actually Ronnie--knocked lightly and Phil opened the door. 

“Please follow me to the massage room, gentlemen. And may I offer you some champagne?”

They each took a champagne flute from the silver tray before walking down the luxuriously carpeted hallway. The walls were lined with expensive looking art and the lighting was soft and warm. Phil took a sip of champagne and felt his shoulders and neck begin to relax as the recorded sounds of a babbling brook caught his ears. 

The massage room was sparsely decorated with fairy lights, candles, and modern art on the walls. The massage tables were positioned side by side and the two massage therapists were standing in matching white shirts and dark blue pants, smiling kindly and gesturing towards the tables. 

“Please disrobe and cover yourself with the blanket and we will be back directly,” the first therapist said. 

After they had closed the door, Dan took off his robe and hung it on the wall hook, then turned around and faced Phil. 

“It’s okay, Phil,” Dan encouraged.

Phil took off his robe, hung it on the wall and dove onto the table, pulling the blanket up to his chin. 

Dan doubled over laughing. “Wow,” he teased as he eased onto his own table, “that was sexual!” 

“I didn’t want them to walk in on me standing there naked!” Phil said, his face rosey once again.

“Just listen to the music, Phil. Breathe.”

Phil closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He heard the door open and the next thing he knew, he felt gentle, masculine hands on his face. The scent of lavender filled the room and he exhaled slowly. 

He jumped a bit as the blanket was lowered past his chest, and again when it got to his hips, and was relieved when it started being raised at his feet. He was kept modest the entire time, and when it was time to roll to his stomach, his body was so relaxed he could barely make it over. 

As they were turning over, Dan caught a glimpse of Phil and smiled. Phil’s face was serene and there was not a trace of pink. 

At the end of ninety minutes, they were told to stay laying down until they heard the music change to ambient sounds, and then to slowly get up and put their robes back on. 

After two minutes, the ambient sounds appeared and both men stretched and sat up. 

“My God,” Dan said, “That was incredible.”

“I can’t even think because all the blood has left my brain,” joked Phil.

“Your weenus looks very moisturised,” Dan said with a wry smile.

“As does yours, Good Sir!” Phil said, and they both laughed. 

Phil took Dan into his arms. “You know, this time tomorrow, we’ll be married.”

“I love you, Philly,” Dan whispered before pecking Phil on the lips. Phil grinned. “I love you too, Dan.” 

That evening, when they returned home, they turned off all the lights in the apartment, lit scented candles throughout the bathroom, and climbed into a bubble bath together. Dan sat with Phil between his legs, and Phil laid his head back on Dan’s shoulder. Both men had their eyes closed. Their breathing was slow and peaceful. Phil fell asleep and Dan nuzzled his face into Phil’s soft hair. 

The next morning, the alarm went off at 8am. Both men jumped out of the bed and began a race to get ready. 

“I need a shower!” Phil declared nervously, “And there just isn’t time!”

“Phil, calm down, you soaked in a bath for an hour last night. You don’t need a shower. Just get dressed,” Dan said reassuringly, “I can assure you, you smell great!”

“I’m putting on extra deodorant,” Phil declared firmly, “just to be on the safe side.”

“That’s a good idea, actually,” Dan said, reaching for his own.

“Dan!” Phil exclaimed suddenly.

“What?!” Dan shrieked, startled. 

“Don’t spray it in your eye!” 

Dan rolled his eyes and Phil cackled with laughter. 

“Aren’t you hilarious?” Dan said before he joined in the laughter. 

Suddenly, a call came through on Phil’s phone. The driver was downstairs and ready to pick them up.

“Oh my god,” they said in unison. 

They both threw on some pants and a shirt, slipped on shoes, grabbed their suit bags and ran out the door. 

The car ride was silent. Phil felt like he was going to throw up from nerves and car sickness, and Dan just stared at his blank phone so the driver would think he was too busy to talk. In truth, he was more nervous than he had ever been in his life. 

 

Phil anxiously checked his phone for the third time. The traffic simply was not moving and the time was racing by as fast as his own heartbeat. His eyes met Dan’s as they instantly grabbed their suit bags, and opened the back door to the car. 

“Hey!” the driver began, “Where are you --”

Phil leaned in and threw a 20 pound note in the driver’s general direction, well more than twice what they owed on the meter. “Thanks!” Phil shouted as he and Dan began to run towards downtown. 

#WhyAreDanAndPhilRunning was soon trending on London twitter, as hundreds of fans on their phones were surprised to see their favorite comedy team speed past them through the stalled traffic. 

The park was half a mile away, and by the time they got to the small building where they were to shower and change, they had only twenty minutes to spare. 

“Well,” Dan joked as he leaned forward with his hands on his knees and tried to catch his breath, “I guess it’s a good thing I don’t have to straighten my hair anymore!”

Phil laughed, “Yeah, but what about me?” 

“You’ll be fine,” Dan answered, “your hair always looks good.”

Dan stood up and they locked eyes, suddenly aware of the importance of the moment.

“I guess,” Phil began, “this is the last time I’ll see you before the wedding.”

Suddenly, Dan grabbed Phil by the back of the neck and pulled him into a passionate kiss that seemed to last for ages and grounded them both back into reality. 

“I love you, Phil,” Dan said softly as they broke apart. 

“I love you, Dan,” Phil replied. 

 

Dan was done showering first and was blow drying his hair as his brother fastened his bow tie. In the other room, Phil was madly straightening his slightly damp hair as Martyn tied his shoelaces. “Calm down, mate,” Martyn said soothingly, “it’s not like they will start without you.” 

Phil grinned, “Yeah, I guess you’re right! But I don’t want to keep Dan waiting.”

“I think he’d wait for you forever, little brother” Martyn said sweetly.

Meanwhile, Dan stepped out of his changing room and crept towards the big row of old oaks that blocked the view of the congregation. Slowly, he peaked around and scanned the rows of his friends and family until--

She was there. His mum had come. He smiled broadly. She really had come. 

 

Dan walked out to a smattering of applause which he waved away with a grin that would not leave his face. He crossed the dais and stood at the left side of the crowd, just in front of the front row. Groomsmen, consisting of his brother and some of his law school roommates, took their place in between Dan and the willow tree at center. Moments later, Phil entered from the right following his groomsmen, who filled in the remaining space between them. Although they were facing one another, the groomsmen blocked their view of one another, as had been the plan. 

PJ stepped forward and stood beneath the vast weeping willow tree. 

The violins began the wedding processional, causing the birds to take flight. 

Slowly, the first groomsmen who standing right next to one another, made a slow, deliberate pivot that turned them away from facing each other to having their backs to the crowd. Then the second pair of groomsmen did the same. Slowly, deliberately, an open aisle began to form between Dan and Phil. Finally, from across the dias, Dan’s little brother and Phil’s older brother looked at one another and smiled. Then, slowly, they turned and took a step back.

The music and the crowd faded away as Dan and Phil’s eyes met. 

For Dan and Phil, the moment would be etched in time forever as their nervousness instantly vanished, and their hearts as open as they had ever been with love for one another. 

The young men took a single step forward as the wedding march began, then stopped. Then they took another step forward, then another, then another, until it seemed as if time had stopped and they were dancing in limbo for all eternity. 

But nervously, courageously, they strode forward: drawn together by a magnetism that had been pulling relentlessly since the day they met. 

Finally, they reached the center of the dais and stood motionless, the music stopping abruptly.

“Please join hands and face one another,” PJ said.

Clasping hands, they locked eyes, nervous smiles instantly brightening their faces. Those there would later say they seemed to take on a slight glow. 

“Before your friends and family, please proclaim your wedding vows to one another.”

The sunlight poured down from the vast clear blueness above them, illuminating their faces with warm and rosy hues. A soft wind gently danced through the willow tree. 

Phil spoke first, his voice low and strong. 

“Daniel James Howell, from the moment you stepped into my life, I felt complete. You are the day to my night and the sun to my moon. Your intellect astounds me. Your sweet laughter melts my heart. Your passion inspires me. Your vision propels me, and your precious heart-- with its boundless ability to love-- envelops me. I promise to care for you, to honor you, and to be your best friend. I can think of nothing I want more in this vast world than to be your husband and for you to be mine.”

Dan’s hands squeezed Phil’s, and then he began to speak.

“Philip Michael Lester, if the eyes are the reflection of the soul, then the depths of yours speak to the vastness of your kindness. You were my friend when I had none. You raised me up, and taught me how to laugh, how to be open, and how to love. In a world full of uncertainty, you are my light. You are my calm in the endless void. Your shining smile grounds me, your endless courage inspires me, and your beautiful mind propels me to places that are unreachable without you. I vow to always love you, to comfort you, and to encourage you, in good times and in bad. My sweetest friend, please take me as your husband, as I take you as mine.”

Tears spilled down Phil’s face, and Dan, never removing his hand from Phil’s grasp, moved to wipe them away. 

PJ gave them a moment to compose themselves and then continued, “By the power vested in me by the city of London, I now pronounce you Mr. Philip and Mr. Daniel Howell-Lester.” 

Phil and Dan leaned in, hands still entwined, and with eyes closed, shared a sweet kiss. 

The crowd burst into applause and lept to their feet as the wedding recessional strings rose to meet them. 

Dan and Phil turned and faced the crowd, their tight-lipped grins slowly blooming into full smiles as they walked down the aisle.

The reception was a party to be remembered, with Karaoke and three playings of Toxic, one for Dan, one for Phil, and one as a duet. 

The plane ride to Florida was blissfully uneventful and restful as the exhaustion took over and they slept the entire way, except for a brief two hour showing of Buffy on Phil’s laptop while they ate supper. 

When they arrived at their hotel, they were overcome by the beauty of the sugar-white sand and the emerald green waters off the Gulf Coast of Florida. The hotel was a five-star luxury retreat that they both had insisted on splurging on, and the room had one entire wall that was nothing but windows that let in the gorgeous view. Phil was thrilled. 

After the bellhop left, Dan turned to face Phil, smiled sweetly, and wrapped him in his arms. Phil returned the embrace and they held it for minutes on end. They had finally done it. These two best friends were now husbands to one another, and the safety of that commitment gave them a feeling of peace they had never had before.

When they finally broke the embrace, Phil noticed a bottle of champagne on the table. 

“Did you arrange this, Dan?” Phil asked.

“No, not me. Check the card and see who it is from. Maybe it’s from the hotel?” Dan suggested.

Phil read the card silently, then handed it to Dan.

“Daniel, Be happy. Be whole. Be the man you were always meant to be. I am happy for you and for my new son. Love, Mum”. 

Later in the evening, as the sun was setting, the two best-friends, lovers, and now spouses, sat together on their private balcony watching the sun set over the Gulf of Mexico as they sipped their champagne. 

“This is beautiful,” Dan sighed.

“Thank you,” Phil replied.

“Not you, you goofball! The sunset!” 

Phil laughed. Dan laughed. Timing really is everything. 

 

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MaoXZyFvFY4&feature=youtu.be

**Author's Note:**

> Beautiful song by http://sassprincesierra.tumblr.com


End file.
